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Where are the the fan art they keep saying on Monday it been like 3or4 weeks now I have not seen a single one, and I like the art parts at the end. TL;DR: Yes. Bear with me if you want to know why. And yes, it will be a wall of text, but there will be PICTURES and STATISTICS and it will be TOTALLY FUN, I promise. So, if you like numbers, then this is going to be a blast for you. Lets rewind a couple of months. June 1st, 2019 I join the team for Death and Taxes (click me for context. Not much happened in June aside from making a first ever completely, fully playable demo, to be shown locally in an art gallery in Estonia (this is a whole separate story. We would then use this same demo as a base for a fully public version. August 30th, 2019 We open a store page on. We decided to bundle the aforementioned demo into the store page as well. We just thought: fuck it, it's good enough, people have had fun with it and we believe in it. So we threw it online, after a few quick fixes that, yes, absolutely broke some other things in case you were wondering. The usual. August 30th, 2019 - September 17th, 2019 So this is what our first weeks looked like. Death and Taxes Views/Downloads between 30. August - 16. September, 2019 In the first days we were lucky to get more than 20 views (which was once) and more than a couple of downloads. This was to be expected. We had no presence on itch beforehand and our social media accounts were, uh, barren, for lack of a better word. But at least SOMEONE who wasn't my mom decided that downloading this demo was worth their while. This was great for motivation. Then some surprises came. A week later we ended up having a view peak of 146 and a download peak of 43. Obviously we were over the moon. Again, consider that we only had a handful of followers on Twitter (about 30 at the time) and a few likes on the Facebook page (again, like 20. This was big for us. So this got us thinking, what in the nine hells is happening and how are people ending up on our page? So it turns out that we were in the top 30 (or so) of 's Most Recent section. Great! We also decided (or rather, I did. that I'd write devlogs on itch every week on Wednesdays and we'd release them right when #IndieDevHour is happening on Twitter and other social media sites. We got a few hundred views in total from all of that and then we have a dip (see the 11th of September. And then we go back up again? Again, this is very interesting. What now? We seemed to end up in the New & Popular section. Again, great! Another 100 downloads, another 300 views. Our Click-Through Rate ( CTR) was ridiculously high (for us) around 1. 3% and the conversion rate from view to download was something around 35. Insane, we thought. To top it all off, we were signal-boosted by itch, too! We were well over 500 views and 200 downloads. NICE. NIIIIICE. Key takeaways: Did uploading a demo help with motivation? Yes. Did uploading a demo help with visibility? Yes. Would we have done anything differently? No. Limited time and resources meant that we wanted to focus on the development of the full game as much as possible. Couldn't get any better, right? Well, guess what. This happened. WTF. September 18th, 2019 - September 30th, 2019 So I was woken up in bed by the lead of the project on Death and Taxes (we're engaged, don't worry. Being half asleep, I got asked: Why are people asking us on Facebook where they can download our game. Then we found out that someone made a YouTube video about us. We checked the stats of the video and I nearly shat. At the time it was already at 200k views. It's a channel I knew about and I'd watched the guy's videos before so I felt really amazed. Was this luck? Yes and no. The channel in question ( GrayStillPlays) has a long, LONG history in making funny and absurdly destructive playthroughs in games and it's quite well known that a lot of indie games get featured there. There are no guarantees in life, but that's not what life or gamedev is about. It's about increasing your chances. this is in bold because it's important That being said, I need to stress one very important key point that I will be focusing on in this write-up: Death and Taxes was designed from the ground up as a game that would appeal to content creators. Our whole marketing strategy relies on the "streamability" of the game. We have absurd gallows humour, we have a visually gripping art style for this exact purpose - to catch one's eye. This whole type of experimental genre that we have our game in has proven to be popular with influencers. This "event" validated our strategy. It could have been another content creator who found us first, it could have been someone much, much smaller and it would have validated it for us. As days came by, more and more videos about our game started to pop up. We're at 6 (I think) so far. And note that this has been completely organic. At this point we haven't done practically anything other than tweeting about our demo being available on and people finding it on their own. A couple of problems here. Our first and foremost goal is to release on Steam. We did not have a Steam page ready for such a surge in visibility, as we weren't planning on starting our marketing push till the end of October. We also did not have a lot of materials ready for our storefront(s) and our website was still clunky af - the only thing there was the chance to sign up for a newsletter, not even a link to was there. Key takeaways: Would we have had the same kind of exposure if it would have been covered by a smaller content creator? No. Would we have had the same kind of exposure if we hadn't released a demo? Nope. Would we have had the chance for this kind of exposure without a demo? Absolutely not. Would we do something differently? UM. YES. Have a better landing page, have a Steam page up, have the infrastructure ready to funnel views into the Steam page. At this point we're getting a view-to-download conversion rate on of about 65. That is remarkable engagement. The initial blitz brought us 1500 downloads alone and we got around 400-500 views daily. We scrambled to get our pages linking to all the relevant stuff (our page at the time) to make sure people were seeing what they needed to see if they were interested in the game. Other than that it was (mostly) normal development on the game, just implementing features and producing assets. And then we also relocated to Sweden. Yay. October 1st, 2019 - October 31st, 2019 We're still tailing from the video and for some reason we're not losing views. We're gaining views. At one point I become suspicious, so I browse itch again. In incognito mode. It didn't take long to see that we're in the New & Popular tab, quite high up. We were around the 25th position, but we weren't moving down, we were going up. After the first week of October it climbed as high as the 6th game there (meaning you'd see it immediately) and we were also in the Popular tab, around the 30th position, at first. For those who are strangers to itch, the Popular tab is what you see when you just start browsing games on itch. This is obviously a strong factor into visibility. More people saw our game and a lot more played it. STONKS Again a new peak. The view-to-download ratio is back to a modest 30. Still really good! We were on the front page of with the 5th position (maybe even higher at one point that I didn't see) on the Popular tab and we were 2nd at one point in the New & Popular tab, for more than a week. At this point we're asking ourselves why are we doing so well. After long, hard detective work, we came up with this: THE FUCKING MASSIVE YOUTUBE VIDEO OBVIOUSLY We have a free demo Our graphical assets stand out The game gets people talking (death is still a controversial topic, go figure. People... actually... read our devlogs? People actually do read our devlogs! SURPRISE! More stats! Lifetime Devlog performance. Granted, it's not much, but in hindsight, this is what kept our tail going during September-October. My incessant shitposting on Twitter does not compare *at all* to this. Here, I'll show you! Look! That's not a lot of impressions, actually. Why? Lets look at the next image. For one month of performance this is not a lot. 3 RTs per day? Yikes. The conversion from that into a store page visit is basically poo. So we sit down with Leene, my fiancé and project lead) and we start thinking about how to leverage our visibility better with the situation that we have on our hands. We have a mildly popular itch page, we have a game that "pops" and creates organic traffic and we have a solid strategy for keeping eyes on our game. What can we improve? As the marketing genius that I am (note: I am not) I say: We need a new demo on itch. So obviously there are problems with this. Let me list a few: It takes time It diverts attention It requires to put polish to places that might get cut WE'RE NOT FOCUSING ON THE MAIN GAME. remember, it's bold because it's important! After some hectic thinking and talking to other team members (the team is actually more than 2 people, it's actually 6 - wow. we decide that we're going to try and see how much noise we can make with a single, multi-faceted, large announcement. Back in September when we got the video done on us, we wanted to make a Steam page, so shortly after that we enrolled as a Steam partner and got an app slot. So that was already there. We decided to start using it. In one single announcement we wanted to say that: We're on Steam We have a new demo on We have a release date for you If you've been paying attention (and god knows it's hard, trust me my fingers are already creaking like an old door from all this text) then you might see that there is a glaring omission from this list. We're only talking about for the new demo. Why? We still had no idea whether or not it's a good idea to release a demo on Steam. We're only talking about itch right now. There are a l
Ive never understood this. I get that they can LOOK the same and even that they can SOUND the same. But thats not all there is to impersonating someone. Especially not if theyre going to live in close quarters with people who know them well. I can imagine if my sister was a changeling. Would she fool me? Maybe for a brief time, but if I spent any time with her I would realise her memories, mannerisms, interests, quirks etc would all be different. I think I could tell the difference in a very short time. Same with my friends. I think most of you could as well. Changelings weren't psychic. They might be able to physically reproduce people, but they couldn't mentally reproduce them. They wouldn't have their memories, or their knowledge, or their experiences, or anything that makes us who we are. They could fool a room full of strangers, but I cant imagine theyd fool people who knew them well for any length of time. Even before the changeling threat was on the radar, I think people would notice that X was not herself. I keep thinking of that Invasion of the Body Snatchers movie - people knew something was wrong even if they didn't know what. I think of myself - trying to fool someone into thinking I was my sister, say. Even though I know my sister well, I don't think I could do it. Her friends would know I wasn't her. Probably in not too long a time. Yet we're expected to believe that the Founders can impersonate anyone, of any race, in any culture and fool everyone. How. Probably better to read the responses before reading this. ETA - Thanks for all your answers - it was very interesting reading it all. I can buy that they are genetic/medical specialists in the Gamma Quadrant - but I just think their knowledge of Alpha Quadrant species would have to be more limited. They didn't have that much time to study them, and there are a lot of races out there that would need to be studied in-depth both medically [physically] and psychologically if long term infiltration were going to be even remotely possible. It just seems like too high a threshold to me. Specifically when talking about Bashir, even IF they used some mind device on him to recover his memories ? and Im not even sure they could do this. In the Search we see them hooked up to some kind of hologram device, that basically ran a program for them, but I didn't see any evidence they used that device to read minds and download memories. It seemed more like it played a basic program scenario - like a video game - and each persons mind filled in the blanks themselves, based on what theyd do. We only saw Siskos. But getting back to Bashir - IF they could [and did] download all his knowledge, memories, experiences etc and transfer this to the Great Link - how come they couldn't cure the virus but he could. If their intel and surveillance was so great why didn't they know about Section 31, or even deduce where the virus must have come from? It seems like you cant have it both ways. I think they might have been able to acquire enough medical knowledge to maybe treat routine complaints - but I agree with the poster who said brain surgery was a step too far. I don't believe that could have been the changeling either and I think the substitution had to be for a much shorter period or it wouldn't have worked, regardless of which uniform he was wearing. [One poster here made the great suggestion that the changeling took his uniform and just re-dressed him in the old one. Works for me. Im not convinced about how telepathic Changelings were. We certainly never saw anything overt in the show about it. They might have had some bond with each other from the Great Link - this could be how they recognised each other and Odo couldnt. But I don't think that makes them telepathic with solids. Were just too different. Its an interesting theory - Im just not sure it works. Ill need to think about it more.
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After 3 years of 3D printing, my Wall of Destiny is full. Added Recluse (Midnight Smith shader) Austringer, Service Revolver (Gambit leather) Drang Baroque, Roderic-C, Dead Man Walking XX7463, and Rat King. I don't sell, but people on Etsy do. Gjallarhorn is from Gamestop (I didn't hang it because I didn't build it. I downloaded STL files from: Myminifactory Destiny STLGenerator DestinyGearViewer Triumph Seals from here: Edit: Wow, my first Platinum. Thank you kind Guardian! Silver too, thanks again. Thank you for the second platinum Stranger. Triple platinum with Gold and Silver! Thank you DTG community. Edit2: It just keeps going. Thank you all. I have work and can't keep up with the comments. To answer the most common questions: Sunshot looks bigger than the other hand cannons because it is the in game size, the other hand cannons were scaled down to 80% to fit a normal sized human. The printers are a qidi on the left and a monoprice maker select on the right. The STL files are from the 3 websites listed above. Most of the D1 Weapons are printed at 100% game scale (designed for an 8 foot tall guardian) most of the D2 weapons were printed at 80 to 85% scale to fit a normal human.
Secrets from the russian tea room download full music. Previous page Back to Save the Universe The remainder of 2018 passed by without further incident, but exactly 6 months into 2019 would bring the most welcome turn of events. 1 Jai Paul's second tweet ever 2 minutes later, another tweet would follow. 2 Jai Paul reveals new music and a website Upon entering the website, a message is displayed. Once the site has finished loading, visitors are suggested to sign-in or sign-up for an account to experience the full functionality of the site. Similar to stitute every member is given a unique username. Immediately, one finds themselves in a desert landscape where they can navigate over several products. Some are for sale, while others are archives of old merchandise and promotional items previously mentioned such as the Christmas Card, Jasmine (Demo) Screen Print Vinyl [12”] Jasmine (Demo) Vinyl, and the Jasmine (Demo) Glow In The Dark Shirt. New merchandise included vinyl, t-shirts, posters and an exclusive members-only shirt and press photo. Jasmine S. E. ? Fantasy Poster, Do You Love Her Now / He ? White Label Vinyl [12" and BTSTU Remastered ? Crew Shirt Most noteworthy of everything being sold was a product titled Leak 04-13 (Bait Ones. Leak 04-13 (Bait Ones) Jai had officially released the collection of material that was leaked in April 2013 and it was being sold for whatever price the buyer chose with a minimum of 0. 01. Throughout the day, the tracks would be uploaded in bunches to all music streaming platforms. The album, if bought on Jais website, included a plain text document. Rather than concisely explain what the file discusses, its best to read it in full: A message for fans. I wanted to use this opportunity to share a little information about what happened regarding my music in April 2013. As you may know, some of my unfinished demos were put up for sale illegally via Bandcamp. The leak consisted of a fairly random collection of tracks I had made over quite a long period of time (from roughly 2007 to 2013) in various stages of completion. Some are short skits and beats from my MySpace page back in the day before I signed a record deal. A large proportion of this music was to be completed and released officially in some format. Regarding how this music got leaked, the short answer is that I don't really know. I believe these particular versions of tracks may have come from a burned CD that got misplaced - a fair amount of people would have had access to my music in various forms between 2010 and 2013. The first I knew about the leak was when I woke up to a phone call from my management at around 3 am on the night it happened. I contacted the City of London Police immediately. No-one in my team knew how best to deal with something like this and there was some confusion as to how we should react. I remember thinking if we could act fast we might be able to contain it somewhat and keep damage to a minimum. However, because it was 3 am on Saturday morning it was tough to get hold of anybody. Whoever was behind it likely planned it this way. I understand that it might have seemed like a positive thing to a lot of people - the music they had been waiting to hear was finally out there - but for me, it was very difficult to deal with. As things unfolded I went through a number of phases, but the immediate, overriding feeling was one of complete shock. I felt numb, I couldn't take it all in at first. I felt pretty alone with everything, like no-one else seemed to view the situation in the same way I did: as a catastrophe. There was a lot going through my mind, but the hardest thing to grasp was that I'd been denied the opportunity to finish my work and share it in its best possible form. I believe it's important for artists as creators to have some control over the way in which their work is presented, at a time that they consider it complete and ready. I was also frustrated by how all this was being framed online, leading to the widespread belief that I had decided to leak my own music, despite my record label and I saying otherwise. It didn't fit at all with anything I had done previously in style or attitude, and especially not in presentation. To make matters worse I was advised at the time to keep quiet and leave things ambiguous, but this didn't really fit with my vibe and there was disagreement among us. I soon felt unable to engage with it at all. I suppose the music was special to me in a way, stuff that I began writing as a teenager in my room just for fun, eventually signing my record deal with it at 21, and hoping that I could put it towards a debut album with XL. I guess having that dream torn up in front of me hit me pretty hard. Of course, I'm not the only person who was affected, it was disappointing to all who worked on the music and to the wider team working on my project at my management, label and publisher etc. A police investigation started during the Summer. Email addresses from the Bandcamp page and a linked PayPal account led to two suspects who were eventually arrested, their property raided and computers seized. Nothing was found, but by this time it was almost a year after the leak had taken place. The BPI kindly offered to step in and help towards the investigation so I'd like to thank them for their concern. I'm grateful to the City of London police for their efforts. Whoever was behind the leak collected a significant amount of money from sales, which was quickly frozen by the Police. Thanks to co-operation from PayPal and Bandcamp, everyone who paid money to download the music was refunded. There were some long term effects for me following the leak. There was a significant loss of trust. For the next 3 years or so this one event was all anybody asked me about. Everyone was convinced that the story they had read online - that I'd leaked the music myself - was true, so I had to repeatedly explain the reality of the situation over and over again. It was frustrating and disorientating to find that I had no ownership over the story (or the music) and that people were choosing to believe a different truth. I guess this all made it feel like I had thousands of people not believing me, not trusting me, and also that in some strange way I was responsible for all of it. On a personal level, things gradually went south and I had a breakdown of sorts. I was in quite a bad place for some time. I was unable to work and withdrew from life in general. Recently, I've been having therapy of various kinds, and this has helped me get to a place where I can begin to think about returning to music. I am thankful for that. It has allowed me to understand some of what happened in 2013 a little better - not through anybody else's lens, but through my own, and through this, I've been able to acknowledge some of the trauma and grief. I've grown to appreciate that people have enjoyed that music and lived with it, and I accept that there is no way to put that shit back in the box. There was no way to fix what happened and continue down our original path. Looking back, it's sad to think about what could have been, but it is what it is and I had to let go. Founding the Paul Institute has also been an important step for me in terms of putting stuff out there again and getting back to what I love. I wanted to create a positive environment that artists could be supported in and stand together through some of the pressures that can make this industry difficult to navigate. I'm proud of what we've achieved so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing our artists develop. We have decided now to make the April 2013 leaked music readily available so that those who want to hear it can access it via platforms they're used to. In order to do this we had to remove a bunch of samples that we were unable to clear, so what you hear won't be exactly what leaked in 2013 - but I know the original stuff is still floating about if you know where to look. Of course, it's completely surreal to me that this music will now exist officially in this form, unfinished, and even sequenced by the people who leaked it! Much of the tracking and production work was there, but it's a shame about the scratch vocals and the overall mix. This is also not all of the material from those early sessions so again it's a shame not to be able to present something completed, in its entirety. It will always be a little painful for me to listen to myself, but I don't want to deny people a chance to hear it, especially as it's already knocking about. Hopefully, this message gives it all a bit of context and answers a few questions about it. Finally I just wanted to express how grateful and appreciative I am for the friends, artists, colleagues and strangers that have stuck by me and shown so much love, support and mad patience over the last however many years. I truly appreciate the help and positivity I've been given to get back on my feet. I wanted to put two new tracks out to say thank you. For the double B side, we decided it would make most sense to pick up where I'd left off, so I've finished two tracks that I was working on at the time of the leak. I've signed and numbered all 500 copies of the white label vinyl. I've not had a website or merch for sale before so I'm excited to share all that stuff with you. We'll see where things go from here. Anyway, if you got this far thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the tunes. As always, you can find me down the pub (shout out to all the safe people who've come up to me to say hello over the years) so I'll see you down there for a pint later. Peace, Jai P. S. 10% of profits on merchandise will go to SANE. With the release of the double B-side single Do You Love Her Now / He, it marked 7 years since the last official release from Jai with Jasmine (demo) back in 2012. The edition of 500 white-label vinyl sold out in the first hour the site went up. Do You Love Her Now / He single cover art Once again,
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Dota 2, Half-Life, Counter-Strike, Diablo 2, Path of Exile. That last one has a fitting name. I figured I'd rather be gaming than imbibing god-knows-what harmful chemical my friends would have the brilliant idea of ordering. I figured it was any better. I thought it was better for me to isolate myself, game until the wee hours of the morning, and to down a 12-pack simultaneously, than it was to go out. I made myself believe that. And then I met her. I was fucked. My ex-wife moved in with me very quickly. We were madly in love, and she was staying with her parents when we met, so we naturally spent a lot of time at my place, drinking beer, wine, listening to music, making love. We went out a lot. We were always up for a sesh at the bar. She nearly flunked her Uni semester cause of the wild fucking weeks we were having. My roommate and I were parting ways in September anyways, and so it made perfect sense than R. and I would find a nice cosy Villeray apartment for the 2 of us, even though our friends were warning us not to move too fast. I was intending on going back to school, to study computer science. But I kept gaming, and I kept drinking, alone, or not. At some point, she realised what she had gotten herself into. She'd go to sleep cause of morning obligations: school, work, sport. You know, real life. I stayed up. Almost every night. Gaming. Sometimes I'd tell myself I'd take it easy and I wouldn't drink, or drink just a bit. I'd still end up going to bed past 2 or 3 am. I could smoke a gram and a half of weed, thinking "hey at least I'm not drinking. Such is the mind of an addict. I ended up dropping CS a couple weeks into the semester. It has been a grim pattern in my life to drop stuff before completion. I ended up quitting my job that winter, and I spent the next six months just wallowing in my own shit, gaming, drinking and eating fast food. This was only the first of a couple bouts of me trying to get into something, then quitting abruptly, without telling her or anyone beforehand. I'd tell her with bloody hands "Hey, I quit my job" or "Hey, I dropped out of school. She hated not having any idea of what the fuck was going on with me. She saw the empty cases. She smelled it on my breath. She felt it on my skin. At this point I knew my limits well enough that I wasn't completely disfunctional hungover every morning. But I'd be late for work, at least half the time. I'd botch my school assignments. I'd order takeaway. She'd be the sunshine of my life getting ready for her day being excited for what was to come, telling me about her classes, her dreams, her ambitions, and I'd llie there, a disheveled half-hungover asshole. I'd be that cynical snarky know-it-all who doesn't do shit but complain. For two and a half years. I stopped seeing my friends. My mind was being completely consumed by the holy trinity of work, relationship and substance/game abuse. I'd let them go through rough patches, barely caring. I'd let them spend months abroad without a message. I'd go for months without a ring. My wife was going through some shit on her own, issues with body image and food, and she had denounced her teenage abuser to the police, so her stress and anxiety levels were pretty high. I tried to help her cope by listening, making dinner, watching tv shows, etc. I thought I was doing a good job, turns out I was doing too much of the bare minimum. She needed excitement, she needed culture. She needed to share interests with me, to go out, to see the world, to laugh, to dance, to cry. I didn't catch on. I was so invested in my own little virtual worlds I didn't understand when she told me she needed me to take less care of her and more of myself. I didn't know what that meant. I thought I was happy doing the things I was doing. I knew it pained her to see me abuse alcohol and investing so much time and energy in video games. I thought things would pass. I thought a way would find me. I thought we'd be fine. At one point, in an attempt to connect with me, she agreed to install Steam on her computer. We added each other as friends, and she downloaded the Sims and Dota 2. Now the problem with being friends with your wife on steam is she can see just how many hours you've sank in the past few weeks on various games. It shows on your profile, and it weirdly feels like a badge of "real gamer" of sorts. She didn't fathom how fucking far gone I was, I don't think. "Eighty-five hours in the past few weeks" she said. She didn't comment on it much. She laughed nervously and we moved on to something else, like a dying couple does. For the record, I have over 5 000 hours on that game, and over a thousand on Path of Exile. That's over 4 or 5 years, not much more. It's like I've had a full time job gaming and gaining nothing but fucking points. I had given my old steam account to my youngest brother Z., a couple years prior. I'd have to ask him how many more hours played I had on various games, namely Counter-Strike 1. 6. It can't be under the thousands. We never did end up playing Dota 2 together. I don't blame her. She had seen me raging on the microphone because complete strangers didn't play the way I wanted. She knew how hard and involved the game was. She wasn't interested in it. She was just grasping at straws, trying to find a way to connect with me. I am now forty pounds over what I was when we met. I wasn't the most jacked dude you'd ever seen, but at 185-190 pounds and 6 feet, I was relatively lean. I remember having some amount of muscle definition, around the abs and arms and such. Now I have a real goddamn beer gut, fat drooping from where my pecs are supposed to be. I had to change almost all of my clothes. She tried and tried so hard not to fat-shame me, but how the fuck are you supposed to love the fat fucking mess I was becoming while she was hustling at school, at work and at the gym, looking better and better and getting closer to her goals every day? Needless to say, our sex life took a huge hit. In the last year we probably had one or two sexual encounters a month, if not less. I'm not saying I'd fuck me, either. And when we did have sex, my stamina was a fraction of what it was 2 years prior. Now she tried to give me an ultimatum a couple weeks ago. She said she couldn't bear living with my sorry ass anymore, if I didn't do something about it. I told her I'd curb my drinking, which I sort of did. I didn't change jack about my day-to-day habits, though. Most days, I'd still woke up, have a coffee watching some useless shit about video games on my laptop, gamed a while, ate late cause I was doing "intermittent fasting. which by the way doesn't count if you don't at least try to eat healthily when you do eat, gamed some more, etc. And then some nights I'd kiss her sweet dreams and relapse and drink a case of beer, trying to hide it the best I could. But if she didn't know in her rational brain, she knew in her heart that things weren't working out. I wasn't making the necessary changes to become a husband you can think about the future with, to succeed in my own life, at school, at work. I didn't get it. Fast forward to last Monday, when she finally couldn't bear the weight of this relationship with me. She left. And instantly, I knew. I knew I had fucked up so much for so long. But it took a couple days to accept it. I was angry, I was furious. I told her I'd be staying in the apartment for as long as I needed to find a new place, and that she wasn't welcome, and that it wasn't my problem. I told her I didn't care if my attitude hurt her: Tough luck" I said. Jesus fuck, dude. We spoke yesterday, on the phone. For two hours, a painful, slow, emotive conversation. One of those you never want to of those you wish you could have avoided by being better than you were. I told her I'd change. I told her I'd do anything to be with her. You know, the usual. It feels like such a cliché but it's fucking real. I've never loved a woman like I love her. I knew in my heart I wanted her to have my babies, one day. I was set and I fucked it up so bad by not caring, not listening. Fuck. I brought her flowers today, at the Uni, with a hand-written note, saying that I'm sorry and that I'm going to get help. That I would give anything for another chance at us. I believe it, though I'm not sure that she does. After I had made her late for class I left, and I called for help. I have an appointment on Monday morning with a social worker, to evaluate my needs. I won't let the pain of her being gone prevent this valuable lesson to help me. I wish with all my heart that she finds her way to me, somehow. I'll be working hard, regardless. I can't live this way. Not anymore. Now, where to start. EDIT: Wow, the reception here helps A LOT. I tend to feel really bad about myself on mornings before I go to work or at nights after I get home and wind down. Reading you guys' kind words help immensely. Thank you, kind strangers.
Secrets from the russian tea room download full games. “wake up bitchhh” i need that alarm ??. I have got a strange story to tell of which I do not remember every detail. But I will try to give you an account of what happened to the best of my abilities and let you be the judges of my tale. It does not matter where I am from or where my story unfolds. I can only tell you that much: It was summer and I was on vacation all on my own for the very first time. Everyone, my friends, family, colleagues, meant it was their place to warn me about the dangers that awaited a 20-something year old girl alone on a 3 week journey. No matter how much I assured them that I was going to be okay, they were not to be convinced, so I refrained from trying. I had decided against flying and instead travelled for hours and days by train and ship. It allowed me to see everything I was passing on my way, the busy cities, sleepy villages, intimidating mountains, silver lakes and endless forests. I felt more and more like I was leaving my mundane but stressful life behind while diving into the wilderness, the source of all. I had always felt very close to nature, after all it is where we are coming from, so my journey actually felt like going home.? My destination was a tiny cabin embedded into the green of a dense forest full of life, high on a hillside which bordered little streams of crystal clear water that steadily run down from the mountains. The soft burbling of the water was quite soothing paired with the gentle breeze that passed through the treetops. I had gotten off a train some hours ago and hiked up to the cabin that I had bought off of some guy on the Internet who claimed he had built it when he was younger, but was now too old to hike up there again. It was very cheap and I considered myself lucky having found an accommodation far from every kimd of civilization. I needed the quiet, the calm, the loneliness to think ans to not think at the same time. It is hard to describe. When I arrived at the cabin, I first tried to get a general idea about its condition, if anything was to be fixed or missing that I would need for my stay. Luckily, it was in quite a good condition for having been abandoned for quite a while back then. There was even wood piled up neatly behind it for the small wood stove inside and tinned food stacked on the shelves in what you could hardly call the kitchen. Sure, it was sparse, not the most comfortable, but it certainly was what I needed. The first night in my little cabin, I sat in front of the stove with a hot cup of tea, watched the dancing flames and listened to the sound of the woods. The wind, trees, animals, water, everything was in harmony. When I looked out of the window, I saw an unbelievably clear sky full of stars and a moon that was almost full. There was not a single cloud on the sky as if nature wanted to brag about all its beauty. I fell asleep right there sitting on a wooden chair with my mug still in both hands. What I had planned was more of an adventure holiday than a relaxing 20 days. Soon after the sun had risen, I grabbed my backpack, tied my boots and stepped outside into the cool morning breeze. Sure, I took a shower and had breakfast before that, but I spare you the boring details. With my compass in hand, I ventured deeper and deeper into the forest. I had never really been on a hike before but had had a friend teach me everything she knew. It definitely was a challenge. I did not have a clock and have overall a poor sense of time, so I do not know how many hours had passed, but at some point, I arrived at what looked like an abandoned village. It was located on a clearing under the clear summer sky. It was by pure accident that I stumbled upon it. The wooden houses looked simple and very, very old. Most were covered in moss and plants that had even destroyed the glass windows. Since when have people been using glass for their windows, I wondered. It was a random thought, but that is what happens a lot when you are alone with yourself for some time. I examined the houses closer, looked through the windows and thought through the plants that had conquered back their territory. I had a knife in my backpack but I did not want to destroy anything so. I only went as far as I could using my hands and feet. Finally, I managed to squeeze myself through one of the houses' doors. The air felt muddy and dusty inside and I had to cough what whirled up even more dust. After I had finally stopped sneezing, I dared to look around. The house was barely any larger than my cabin, but apart from the living room and kitchen where I was standing in, it had two additional rooms. All furniture was made from wood from the forest surrounding the village. It had fusioned with plants sprawling everywhere. It was hard to see much through all the green of their leaves. I tried to open the doors to the two other rooms but they would not budge. I then took out my phone and took some photos. I had originally planned on not takimg my phone with me, but since I did not have a camera and in case of an emergency, in the end I had decided otherwise. After taking some more photos, I squeezed myself back outside and roamed the village. There were approximately 25 houses, all of similar build and size, then there was a stone well in the middle of the village and in front of it one bigger house what I assumed to have been something like the town hall. When I reached the apparent end of the village, I spotted a little church in some distance. On the way down there, I passed a graveyard. It was not big, just like the village it belonged to, but I still felt shivers running down my spine and quickened my pace. I stopped in front of the church. Looking at it, I almost forgot to breathe. It was weird; even though the whole village was covered in plants, the church towered majestic before me showing off its bare stone walls. It was no problem entering it as the door was completely free from any green. Inside it looked no different. It looked like a regular dusty old church with a huge cross at the front and a few rows of wooden benches. I saw a baptistery in one corner and an altar. It was a simple church, no gold or pomp, but I was still awestruck. Even though I have never been an active believer, there is just this feeling you get when you step into a church. I cannot recall how I had fallen asleep, but I suddenly awoke in a very uncomfortable sitting position on one of the benches when I heard a sound apparently coming from under me. I jumped up and immediately regretted it as the world spun around me. I let myself fall back and waited for my surroundings to stop spinning. I then remembered the sound from before and felt my heart beat faster. I had not seen a single soul or even a trace of it in neither the village nor the church, but I had definitely heard some kind of shuffling. I took a glance outside through the church windows. The sun had almost vanished behind the trees. The sky was red and the air began to feel colder. It was not advisable to stay out alone in the forest at night without shelter. I listened silently for another sound in the now almost dark church, then after not hearing anything for some minutes or seconds, I could not tell, I carefully grabbed my backpack next to me and slowly got up. As soon as I was standing, there was some more noise, this time closer and clearly coming from the front of the church.? I dared not to breathe as I tried to see anything behind the huge wooden cross in front of me but there was only darkness. I wanted to leave on the spot but my legs felt too weak to carry me. I usually am not much of a scaredy cat, but for whatever reason, my body would not move. I grabbed the straps of my backpack tighter. I could feel the last rays of sunlight on my face before night falled. Then, it was completely dark and still around me. When I was a child, I had this motto: Do not regret what you did, but only what you did not do. It felt stupid thinking about all the things I regretted at that moment: going on vacation alone, buying that lonely cabin in the woods, discovering the abandoned village and the church and, after all, falling asleep there. A friend had told me to switch on some sort of light and make loud noises when alone at night in the forest, since animals would either be scarred of you or think that you are friendly enough and thus leave you alone. Would I have been with her, we would have sung loudly to drive away the fear and potential animals, but alone, I could not find the courage, so I instead switched on the flashlight on my phone along music that I had downloaded for the train ride. Even with the flashlight, I could not see much, but in reaction to my music playing, there was a sound again. It sounded more like a banging along other muffled sounds. It almost sounded like. a person asking for help? Horror films should have told me that it is better to run in such a situation, but my curiosity got the better of me and I slowly, holding my phone in front of me, approached the wooden cross where the sounds seemed to emanate from. I flinched when there was a loud thud against the floor below the cross. I now clearly perceived a human voice that was shouting from underground. What have I gotten myself into? I asked myself as I got on my knees and looked for some loose bricks in the stone floor. To my surprise, I actually found one and after removing it, it became way easier to move away one stone after the other until I found a metal trapdoor in the ground. I took a deep breath before I decided to not think about it too much and pulled the handle with all my strength. It took a few trials until I was finally able to open the heavy door. It fell to the ground with a loud crash and whirled up a cloud of dust and dirt. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my nose as best as I could but still had to cough. When I carefully blinked again, I made out the silhouette of a per
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